On the Wings of My Larger Life
Sep 01, 2024 06:00AM ● By Rev. Jenn Sacks
Midway into my sophomore year at American University, I felt at loose ends. I was uncertain about majoring in communications or loving my boyfriend.
I wavered in changing anything. I just wanted to get through the semester. Then, the boyfriend came to see me, telling me he had “an incredible longing for freedom.” When he left, I felt devasted and numb in a way I’d never been before. I didn’t know what to do with myself and cried in my dorm room for hours. Then, all of a sudden, I knew I couldn’t waste one more moment weeping over a boy when the rest of my life awaited.
I realized, as I emotionally lifted myself up, that I had an incredible longing for freedom, too. Everything in my intuition told me to fulfill that longing to fly into the world and experience as much as I could. A close friend was going to London on the university’s study abroad program, and I decided to go, too. I had always wanted to explore the British Isles.
My parents approved of my decision. They hadn’t liked my choice of boyfriend anyway.
When I visited the study abroad program director, he said, “We have one spot left.” I didn’t hesitate and said, “I’ll take it.”
Immediately afterward, I carried my pile of paperwork to my advisor. She reviewed my plans and said, “You can’t do this program. You’ll be off-course, and you won’t be able to complete a communications degree in time for graduation.”
I contemplated her words for less than a day and returned to her to say I was still going to go to London. I changed my major to sociology, went home at the end of the semester, packed my suitcases, and met my study abroad group at Newark Airport to board a flight to London Gatwick.
I’d never been on a plane or traveled overseas before, and I hadn’t yet heard of Dramamine. The turbulent descent into Gatwick rocked me so hard I’m sure I turned green. I was sick, both emotionally and physically; I was doubting myself and my intuition. By the time we landed, I realized what I’d done. My intuition had said, “Be courageous and fly with faith.” But I worried I’d gone too far.
Unity Church co-founder Myrtle Fillmore describes the uncertainty we may feel when we trust our intuition. “Sometimes, when we reach this point in our soul’s progress, we do not at first know just what is taking place,” she says. But she also assures us that “as we leave old circumstances, beliefs, habits and desires behind,” we experience blessings in the “larger life, which is ever opening to us.”
And thousands of miles from home, I knew I needed to fly on the wings of my own larger life.
When I arrived at the Highgate home of Audrey, whom I’ll always call my English mum, she welcomed me—a weepy, frightened American—with open arms. I became one of the family, gardening and cooking with her and sharing in sing-alongs at her piano. I took long meditative walks in local parks with Audrey’s two King Charles Cavalier spaniels and marveled at the greenery around me, even in winter.
I attended classes at Birkbeck, University of London and interned at the Museum of London. While traveling through Oxford, I gathered with a crowd to see Queen Elizabeth and the Queen Mother. I learned to sit patiently in the dark on the Tube during several IRA bomb scares. I watched Sir Derek Jacobi perform in three different plays at the Barbican Theatre. I ate pub lunches and shopped at a greengrocer. I toured numerous areas of Great Britain, going as far north as the Isle of Skye, which, after all these years, still feels like a slice of heaven.
In England, I learned a lot about the world, but more importantly, I learned a lot about myself—especially how strong my faith and intuition are. To this day, I can close my eyes and revisit many of those glorious experiences. And although I’ve had doubts on other occasions, I remember to take a dose of spiritual Dramamine, trusting the larger life that continually awaits. ❧

Senior minister of Unity Atlanta Church in Peachtree Corners, Rev. Jennifer Sacks is a preacher, writer and spiritual leader. She holds a Master of Divinity from Unity Institute & Seminary. Learn more and connect with her at RevJenn.com.