This is grief. And it is real. To be specific, many of us are in a general grief with a very heavy dose of anticipatory grief and a sprinkling of disenfranchised grief.

When we show up at the polls, most of us bring our values, our hearts, our hopes for what we believe in, our desire to protect those we love. And when we don’t see those things reflected back in the results, we experience the loss with a flood of emotions and biological stress reactions.

You are not alone in this grief. You are not alone.

Grief is not a singular emotion.  Grief is a collection of emotions, a stew that is a little different for each person.  The most common ingredients of all grief forms are sorrow, anxiety, guilt, denial, shock, numbness, and fear. The list of other options could fill this page.  Personal grief will be unique to each of us as we process and mourn very specific losses within the context of our unique lives. You may first feel grief as sorrow, as a lack of safety, as rage, as feeling stuck. And tomorrow, or in an hour, or in 30 seconds, you may feel something different bubble up from your grief stew. This is normal, you are normal.

Our experience of emotions in grief is complicated by the destabilization of our nervous system, where the rush of stress hormones can send us into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn as attempts to regulate the sympathetic nervous system response. If you are feeling very real anger, the stress response of fight may rush through you and amplify that feeling. If you are in shock, the freeze response is likely to slide in. Fawn, the impulse to please others, can show up if we feel unsafe in work, community or family environments. And flight isn’t just expressed in running away, it exists in the common desire to cry alone, to run to a place no one will see us in our sorrow.

Today, just know that the emotions are real, and you are normal.

The bravest thing you might do today is show up for your emotions. Let them be.  Accept them. They each arrive to show you something, but you do not have to find meaning today. Today, and for as many days as you need, let the feelings sit at the table with you. Your power right now is in the next breath, the next hug you give or get, in rebuilding trust with yourself. Consider one of these simple actions to encourage a shift out of your sympathetic nervous system.

• If you have 10 seconds, keep it simple: let your next exhale be longer than your last inhale. 
• If you have a little longer, find a partner to hug. For the most regulating version, both people  stand in their own balance instead of leaning on each other.  
• If you have a bit more time, get outside. Put one foot in front of the other on a walk, trust yourself to take the next step, one at a time.

Anticipatory grief is the grief that comes with the fear and anticipation of future outcomes.  It’s common with serious health diagnosis, but can also occur in work places where you are made aware of future shifts and family situations when transitions have firm dates. Today we have the same basics as we did on Monday, so a portion of our grief is looking towards future events. If the anticipation is holding you captive, consider removing yourself from social media and news sources for one or two weeks. This can be complete abstinence or very firm boundaries, for example, 20 minutes per day on social media, and that’s it.

Lastly is disenfranchised grief. This grief is the specific grief of experiencing a loss that is not supported by society. When we don’t see our values in a big way out in the world, we can be left feeling alone, unseen and unsupported. These feelings amplify the other emotions of grief.

And yet we are not alone.  At current count as a write this there are 68 million folks potentially feeling this way. If you are feeling alone, take time to reach out to a like-minded friend or relative via phone, or if possible, in person. 

Grief is real. Understanding grief can help; just don’t get wrapped in the five stages—it doesn’t work like that.  Anger and sorrow and the other feelings of grief are valid. Feeling your feelings will eventually let you integrate what you need to know from this time. Today, let small actions offer you peace. Today, know that grief takes time.  Today, know you are not alone. ❧

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 Alison Gurevich is an Atlanta-based ERYT 500 and Grief movement guide.  More about Alison can be found at www.breathtomotion.com.