Here’s what I know about me: 

    I love to make people laugh.

There’s plenty more, of course, but I just wanted to throw a few things out there because, for every charming trait of mine, there is an equal and opposite side of that coin. For example, I live in the moment—or perhaps you’d say I’m a terrible planner. I have never thought about the future for too long; I get distracted or overwhelmed by infinite possibilities. As a result, I haven’t done much about retirement or rainy days and I totally forgot to have kids. 

But here’s the thing: Somehow, for every quirk of mine, I seem to have someone in my life who does a wonderful job of balancing me out. 

This past weekend, that thought struck me like a gong. Hey, look! This person fits you in ways that really matter. It felt a little magical. 

Here’s what I noticed: My friend and I had long conversations that were never stymied by interruptions or tangents; they held space for tough and differing perspectives. That alone is something unique. I have so many loved ones with whom I try to have conversations, but I walk away feeling like I just hiked up a very steep hill and covered very little distance. Which is fine. I can still make the effort. But how glorious it is when my mind can relax into its eddies and flows and only be greeted with encouragement to drift onward.

My friend and I had hours of meaningless wandering chats and a few moments of deep, weighty discussions. And I think our ability to do that so naturally is as much due to our opposite natures as our years of friendship.

In our heavier moments of conversation, she has railed passionately about the injustice in the world, how people are wasting their lives, how ignorance is a choice and how much time is lost in social media wormholes that could instead be used to improve ourselves and the world.

 

I presented my Devil’s Advocate Card and argued in favor of giving all these “unproductive others” the benefit of the doubt. I insisted that it was all going to be ok, that humans needed time to check out, that ignorance of some things was not ignorance of all—and more.

I saw her listen to my perspective and consider how she might leave room for grace. And I felt the undeniable urge to get back out in the world once more and look for ways to make a difference.

Thinking back on those conversations—conversations that could have been fraught with tension and frustration—I recognize our fundamental differences. My friend wants us all to work harder and do better, and I want to give everyone a break. If you watched us in our cozy mountain cabin retreat that weekend, you would have seen those two opposites in action as well. She had to rally an army of excuses just to sit still and watch a second movie. Meanwhile, it didn’t even occur to me that less than 1,000 steps in a day might have explained my stiff back. 

A perfectly balanced pair.

I need someone who nudges me to get off my butt and fight for good. And she needs someone who insists she take a load off once in a while and waste a day. The sweetness is in our mutual, unspoken ability to allow the pendulum to swing back and forth. There was a time in the past when I felt an anxious resistance to her natural pressure. But this weekend, I became acutely aware of our dynamic, and that same feeling of resistance became more like a gentle stretch. One that I felt deeply grateful for—knowing it widens the road I’m traveling and allows me to journey a greater distance.

Balance. What a beautiful thing. It makes me wonder who else has folded themselves neatly into my life in order to fill in the blanks of my soul. ❧

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