Last year, I received the news that I needed a diagnostic mammogram because something needed a closer look. I am a worrier by nature, and I felt a jolt of panic, my breath tightened and a blanket of fear covered me. And familiar catastrophic thinking patterns that I’d spent years working to control kicked into high gear.

In the days ahead, when I felt waves of anxiety, I turned to a variety of tried and trusted tools. I prayed. I visualized the outcome I hoped for. I repeated mantras. I used yoga to drop into the wisdom of my body. I used breathwork and meditation to separate my “self” from my thoughts. I journaled. I had the realization that catastrophic thinking was simply one part of my mind attempting to prepare me for the worst outcome by planning for it. None of it was based on logical reasoning. 

Driving to my appointment, I was still worried but not as much as before. My prayer was that I would feel God’s presence and maintain a sense of peace regardless of the outcome. I created a pretty simple mantra that I repeated to myself: “It’s going to be okay.” After I arrived, a nurse called my name and introduced herself as Lynn. There was a quality about her energy that immediately put me at ease. She led me to a smaller waiting room with lockers and handed me a gown. I followed her brief instructions, changed behind a curtain and found a seat.

I noticed two other women who were looking down at their phones. I checked my texts. I scrolled through Instagram to peruse some funny reels. My thumb repeatedly moved up and down the screen, scrolling from one hilarious reel to the next. “Humor is such a great distraction in a time like this,” I thought. But after a short time, I lost interest in my phone. My mind went back to that word. “Distraction.”

Is distraction what is needed right now? These tests are trying, but there are also lessons to be gleaned. I’ve had to learn this on more than a few occasions! Do I need distraction, or do I need to be present in this space? I knew the answer, but wasn’t sure I liked it. Undeniably, something was calling me to be present, so I figured I should listen.

I wondered about the other women sitting there with me; what we have in common and how different we might be. We were a sisterhood of strangers facing uncertainty, worried about our health, our families, our jobs, our futures, yet trying to stay grounded as we waited together.

I wondered how the energy in the room would shift if we were engaging with each other, rather than remaining in the silos of smartphones. Something urged me to connect with these women.

I’m a social person, a talker, but striking up conversations with strangers in uncomfortable places is most definitely not in my wheelhouse. I auditioned opening lines in my head, but everything felt wrong and awkward. I decided to silently pray for each of them. I repeated my mantra for all of us. “It’s going to be okay.”

Lynn appeared, and I followed her down the hallway to an office to fill out some forms. She patiently watched the computer slowly come to life. I closed my eyes and silently repeated my mantra over and over. “It’s going to be okay.” Then, Lynn’s soft hand touched my arm, “Mrs. Anderson,” she said, “it’s going to be okay.”

I felt that little thrill of exhilaration when you realize the universe is alive and well and at work all around you. “I was just saying those very words in my mind over and over just now. And you just spoke them to me!” I told her.

“Really? How about that?” she replied, without a hint of surprise.

As we sat and talked, I took comfort in the light that came through in her calming and reassuring energy.

My prayer that morning was, “God help me to feel your presence and have peace no matter what the outcome.” I just didn’t expect the answer to come in the form of a nurse saying five little words to me at the exact right moment. ❧

Amy W. Anderson is a writer and yoga teacher navigating the “beautiful chaos of family life”—guiding others to connect more deeply while learning to do the same herself. Follow her work on Substack: Amy-Wanders-On.